Officer why the third degree?
Told ya, I've been drunk since a quarter 'til three
On rum and coke and some pink Chablis
I'm drunk in the mornin' that's the way that I be

I'm drunk when I wake and then I'm drunk when I dine
I'm drunk when I hit the unemployment line
Lost my job when I asked my boss to pay me in wine
So depressed when I'm sober
When I'm drunk it's cloud nine

Oprah's not even on yet,
and I can barely stand
I drink booze that's been bottled,
I drink booze from a can
And I puke in my shoes
and in my baby grand
I got hooch shootin' out of my mammary glands!

It's 10 A.M. and I'm drunk as a skunk
Eggs, bacon and booze
That's why I've got so much spunk
Ain't no sobriety test that I haven't flunked
I've tried bein' sober,
let me tell you, that stunk
And now it's not even noon and I'm drunk!